i don't give a fuck that JD salinger is dead

who gives a fuck

i mean yeah, he wrote some good shit

and made teenagers feel it was ok to be different in the establishment

but god damn

was he the king of pretentious novels?

no

michael jackson was the king of pop

silly fagots

Note to those that are currently in the closet:
Stop being such fucking bitches. It's ok to lie about it, but don't be a fucking dick. Don't put others on the line. Don't swear up and down about what the "truth" is, just so you can come out at your "own pace" because you're afraid of the world. Tough fucking shit. It makes us all look bad, and in more way. Sorry princess. And when you do come out, have the decency to apologize or something to the people who are now "liars." It's just polite.

The Ds

Your parents went to school and learned the 3 Rs. reading, writing and arithmetic. No your parents aren’t that stupid, this was a bad joke from their parent’s generation. And, yes, your parent’s parents where just as bad as yours; corny, embarrassing and with a tendency to over share, be over barring and overly protective. Along with the “3 Rs” are the lesser known and more fun 5 Ds. You learned all about it and didn’t even know it.
In descending order of deadliness:

ok, you're a fag, whatelse you got?

Being queer and a teen, you've got very little media dedicated to you outright. There is perez hilton, Tyra Banks making it all about her, MTv's occasional gay character and unfortunately the Advocate. Tonight I've chosen to attack The Advocate, sorry dude.


But not just the Advocate, the entire gay community that is older than my generation. The sitting around, feeling sorry for yourselves fagots. We thank you for fighting all those battles way back in the discodark ages, but it's over. You're generation saw being gay as a role, and the difference between you're generation and mine is we see it as a character trait. You're gay? that's cool, I'm a vegetarian. However you're generation, grand-ma and grand-ma birkenstocks, seems they still need to coddle us in the way you wish you had been coddled. Scholarships for sneaking a peek in the locker room, summer camps, gay elected officials (that aren't dirty old republicans) that want to come and tell you about how hard it was to be a fagot in a high school back when phones where rotary, "records" where those big dinner plate looking things, dinosaurs roamed the earth and pluto was a planet.
The most recent issue of the Advocate, kept bitching that Australian Matthew Mitcham, who won a gold medal on a fluke at the summer olympics hasn't had thousands of endorsments thrown at him.
Let's break this down a little:
yes, he's gay, unfortonatly until the dinosaur generation of our parents dies off entirely, being gay will still be an issue and point of interest
HE QUIT THE SPORT, he got back into competition shape and standards a whole 9 months before the games
HE WALKED OUT IN 2006, two years before the 08 games
usually sponsers look for someone they can buy realitivly cheap after the olympic games, so they will wear their shit at the next games, instead of trying to buy someone up in July when their ego is HUGE cause they're going to the olympics, and they're going to be the next michael phelps
4th reason he hasn't been offered endorsements, Michael Phelps is currently being endorsed by every company in the world(sans kellog) and the entire pot head population.
Good luck peddling that one gold metal when he's got the 30 or whatever form this year around his neck.[also, why is everyone shocked that Phelps smoked pot? he listens to lil wayne to get psyched up before a swim. lil wayne? should have considered that before you endorsed the guy that endorsed lil weezy.]

Not that I'm not thrilled for Mitcham, I am. [And when you break up with your boyfriend, I'll be here to comfort you. We have a lot in common. You swim, I swim. You competed in the Olympics, I kinda watched them a little bit. You look good in a speedo, I think you look good in a speedo. don't worry about it, I'll get you my number, it'll all work out....somebody just needs to break it to Luthor.] And what he did for Australia, queers, young people, and drop outs is an inspiration.
but also, thanks a lot, when you finally do get famous, everyone is going to bring up that you quit and got back into it and then got a billion metals at London, and everyone is going to get that phone call from the aunt who bitches cause we quit something we weren't that into a while ago.

Anyway, older generation, dinosaur people, stop wallowing in your self pitty.

if you where offended by this post, please please please comment, so i can make fun of you later.

So you've decided to get laid

Before one loses their virginity to someone they should take a few things into consideration. They need to realize that they’re about to change their life entirely. They are about to some sort of commitment (whether it is 15 minutes, a few months or a life time depends on the other party). Most importantly they need to decided if they are ready too have sex.
Virginity is important. One of the most important people in the western world was born to a ‘virgin.’ Virginity was, and in some places (not America) considered a sign of purity and therefore-importance. Purity is something revered in most places, these places include: South America, Parts of the United Kingdom, Religious Communities (supposedly) and various other places outside of the continental United States. To be a virgin is to be untainted, untouched, and unaffected by sex.
Though many virgins may think they are out of their mind with sexual desires as it is, these sweaty palmed, chapped lipped, dry mouthed, socially awkward, clarinet and piano playing, college-in-the-high school German taking, knitting, president of the year book committee, AP students, with a light dusting of acne who make an effort not to “swear,” should realize that they do not know what it is to be truly desire sex with every cell in their body, that is unless they’ve ever been hung over, which they haven’t. To have sex, and then to go without sex is comparable to any of the following addictions; caffeine, crack-cocaine, myspace.com, Japanese videogames featuring small colorful monsters, America’s Next Top Model marathons Saturdays on VH1 and “txt-mssg”ing.

Day without a gay/ save the economy

I know, prop 8 was decided one day shy of a month ago, but shit, I still get to be pissed.
plus, this video makes a valid point.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Shellfish are gay, btw. your shrimp coctail is code for "do me dirty"

The Closet Jock/Ego King

What do the Quarterback of your high school and The Intellectual have in common? Answer: They’re fucking. Some tutoring session gone incredibly off track, midnight messages across myspace, or for some unforeseen reason they where both at the same party and where both “way drunk,” whatever the cause, the two are fucking. The Ego King has pictures of himself either almost naked or full frontal on his phone, his skanks’ phones, his computer, and probably a few websites, he willingly shows these to anyone who ask, and is willing to show the real thing in public, even during chemistry if asked. The worship of his bad jokes, good body and huge dick is the only food besides protein shakes this beast really needs. However, underneath all of those muscles and fag jokes is something ironic, a relationship with the Ego King may be more then you’ve barged for. While in some cases they are exactly as they appear, more often then not you’re life will quickly become an after school special, “the bully with a heart of gold, unable to express himself and be who he wants to be because of ______ and_____and football.” These emotionally troubled teens can be hard to decode and understand and sometimes not worth it, but like all other queers, and people in general, one should give them time and a little respect, you never know when the Closet Jock is going to write you’re the best letter you’ve ever read and mean every word of it.